So Complicated
by BandUnlimited
Summary: Just a little song fic I wrote about a certain person in band to clear my mind...


A/N: At the moment I feel like crap, so I apologize if you don't like this fic, it wasn't written for others to read. I decided to post it anyway, you like it then you can review. Have a nice day.

     Slumping down in my hard-backed chair my ears catch the sound of the first bell, signaling for all to get to class. The bell rang a Concert G, I noted absently, a fleeting smile passing across my lips with amusement. In a few minutes people would pour into the band room for class, but for now it was quiet, and empty but for the people who had spent the last half of our lunch period there. Glancing around the room my heart caught in my throat, and I began to polish my trumpet ardently, looking down at it to avoid looking at him.

_I'm so scared that the way that I feel  
Is written all over my face  
When you walk into the room  
I want to find a hiding place_

     A glance shows that my attempts to be undetected were unsuccessful; he was now making his way to'ards me, grinning brightly.

  
_We used to laugh, we used to hug  
The way that old friends do  
But now a smile and a touch of your hand  
Just makes me come unglued  
It's such a contradiction  
Do I lie or tell the truth  
Is it fact or fiction  
Oh, the way I feel for you_

     I gulped hard as he smiled warmly in greeting, "What's goin' on?" his voice came. "What do you mean?" I replied, confused. "I mean, why are you polishing your trumpet like there is no tomorrow?" he said jokingly. I blushed hotly, glancing down at my Bach Stradivarius, noticing for the first time that I **had** been rubbing the same part of my trumpet over and over. "Oh, that, um…" I answered lamely.

_It's so complicated  
I'm so frustrated  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay  
Should I say it  
Should I tell you how I feel  
Oh, I want you to know  
But then again I don't  
It's so complicated  
  
_

     No way was I about to tell him that I had been thinking about him. "I, uh, saw some tarnish on my bell and just wanted to make sure that it was gone," I continued, discomfited. He nodded, convinced at least for the moment and turned away to get his trumpet out of his locker. My eyes followed him across the band room, and I sighed heavily as he disappeared into the locker room, "You confuse me so much."

_Just when I think I'm under control  
I think I finally got a grip  
Another friend tells me that  
My name is always on your lips  
They say I'm more than just a friend  
They say I must be blind  
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me  
From the corner of your eye  
Oh, it's so confusing  
Yeah, I wish you'd just confess  
But think of what I'd be losing  
If your answer wasn't yes_

     My cousin, whom I tell everything to, had practically begged me to tell him. He said that I have nothing to lose by the letting the guy I like know that I like him and have liked him for so long. I can't tell him, he would hate me if he found out.

_It's so complicated  
I'm so frustrated  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay  
Should I say it  
Should I tell you how I feel  
Oh, I want you to know  
But then again I don't  
It's so complicated (oh)_

     Things in band would never be the same if I confessed, and the friendship I had tried to build with him would be crushed in awkwardness. I frowned, irritated with myself for liking him, and irritated with him for being so easy to like.

_I hate it  
'Cause I've waited  
So long for someone like you  
Oh, what do I do_

_It's so complicated  
I'm so frustrated  
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away  
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay  
Should I say it  
Should I tell you how I feel  
Oh, I want you to know  
But then again I don't  
It's so complicated (oh)_

     Turning back to my stand I adjusted the music as the other band members began to flow in as if someone had broken a dam. Catching sight of him, my section leader, sitting a two chairs up from me I paused. Feeling someone's gaze on me I looked 'round, catching him watching me from the corner of his eye. He did that a lot. I scolded myself, just because he looks at you doesn't me he feels the same way.

_Why should I say it  
Should I tell you how I feel  
Oh, I want you to know  
But then again I don't  
It's so complicated (complicated)  
So complicated (complicated)  
It's so complicated, oh_

     Raising my concert trumpet to warm-up my thoughts turned elsewhere, at least for the moment. I knew, though, that soon enough my mind would come back to him. I thought of him so much, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking, whether he would ever feel the same. Within the security of my own mind I wondered, and daydreamed, hoping that one day he would be mine. Then, perhaps, life wouldn't be so complicated.


End file.
